Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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