I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
