You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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