Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize