i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
