I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
