I'm going to jail i love you
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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