They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
