Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are the jesus of drinking
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
