what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
