I just threw up on my dentist
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize