dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
