my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Blood and glitter go together right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
