You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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