dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
