I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
