I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize