I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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