And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
