Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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