NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
