I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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