Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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