I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
