Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
