The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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