Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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