At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
