I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
