dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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