Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
