what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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