So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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