Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
