I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
