nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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