dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
