jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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