I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
