Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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