My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just want to make out with him forever
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize