I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
