ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
