its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize