I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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