i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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