Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize