My first STD was from a foam party
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
