ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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