i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
