I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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