Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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