I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
