While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
