so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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