i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
