FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
