Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
