these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
