She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
