Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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