Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
