I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
