Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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