gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize