it wasn't lemon gatorade
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
