i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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