its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
