the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
