sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He kissed a someone with a penis
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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