somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
