guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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