It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
