...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
