Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
