omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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