Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
