Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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