we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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